Stranger in a Strange Land Read online

  Duke said slowly, “I ought to pop you one—and I would, if you were my age.”

  “Don’t let that stop you. I may be tougher than you think. If not, the commotion will fetch the others. Do you think you can handle the Man from Mars?”

  “Him? I could break him in two with one hand!”

  “Probably . . . if you could lay a hand on him.”

  “Huh?”

  “You saw me try to point a pistol at him. Duke—where’s that pistol? Find that pistol. Then tell me whether you still think you can break Mike in two. But find the pistol first.”

  Duke went ahead setting up the projector. “Some sleight-of-hand. The films will show it.”

  Harshaw said, “Duke. Stop fiddling with that. Sit down. I’ll take care of it after you’ve left.”

  “Huh? Jubal, I don’t want you touching this projector. You always get it out of whack.”

  “Sit down, I said.”

  “But—”

  “Duke, I’ll bust the damned thing if it suits me. I do not accept service from a man after he has resigned.”

  “Hell, I didn’t resign! You got nasty and fired me—for no reason.”

  “Sit down, Duke,” Harshaw said quietly, “and let me try to save your life—or get off this place as fast as you can. Don’t stop to pack. You might not live that long.”

  “What the hell do you mean?”

  “Exactly what I say. Duke, it’s irrelevant whether you resigned or were fired; you ended your employment when you announced that you would not eat at my table. Nevertheless I would find it distasteful for you to be killed on my premises. So sit down and I will do my best to avoid it.”

  Duke looked startled and sat down. Harshaw went on, “Are you Mike’s water brother?”

  “Huh? Of course not. Oh, I’ve heard such chatter—it’s nonsense, if you ask me.”

  “It is not nonsense and nobody asked you; you aren’t competent to have an opinion.” Harshaw frowned. “Duke, I don’t want to fire you; you keep the gadgetry working and save me from annoyance by mechanical buffoonery. But I must get you safely off the place—and then find out who else is not a water brother to Mike . . . and see that they become such—or send them away, too.” Jubal chewed his lip. “Maybe it would be enough to exact a promise from Mike not to hurt anyone without my permission. Mmmm . . . no, too much horse play around here—and Mike is prone to misinterpret things. Say if you—or Larry, since you won’t be here . . . picked up Jill and tossed her into the pool, Larry might wind up where that pistol went before I could explain to Mike that Jill was not in danger. Larry is entitled to live his life without having it cut short through my carelessness. Duke, I believe in everyone’s working out his own damnation but that is no excuse to give a dynamite cap to a baby.”

  Duke said slowly, “Boss, you’ve come unzipped. Mike wouldn’t hurt anybody—shucks, this cannibalism talk makes me want to throw up but don’t get me wrong; he’s a savage, he doesn’t know any better. But he’s gentle as a lamb—he would never hurt anybody.”

  “You think so?”

  “I’m certain.”

  “So. You’ve got guns in your room. I say he’s dangerous. It’s open season on Martians; pick a gun, go down to the pool and kill him. Don’t worry about the law; I guarantee you’ll never be indicted. Go ahead, do it!”

  “Jubal . . . you don’t mean that.”

  “No. Not really. Because you can’t. If you tried, your gun would go where my pistol went—and if you hurried him you’d go with it. Duke, you don’t know what you are fiddling with. Mike is not ‘gentle as a lamb’ and he is not a savage. I suspect we are savages. Ever raise snakes?”

  “Uh . . . no.”

  “I did, when I was a kid. One winter down in Florida I caught what I thought was a scarlet snake. Know what they look like?”

  “I don’t like snakes.”

  “Prejudice again. Most snakes are harmless, useful, and fun to raise. The scarlet snake is a beauty—red, black, and yellow—docile and makes a fine pet. I think this little fellow was fond of me. I knew how to handle snakes, how not to alarm them and not give them a chance to bite—even the bite of a non-poisonous snake is a nuisance. This baby was my prize. I used to take him out and show him to people, holding him back of his head and letting him wrap himself around my wrist.

  “I got a chance to show my collection to the herpetologist of the Tampa zoo—I showed him my prize first. He almost had hysterics. My pet was not a scarlet snake—it was a young coral snake. The most deadly snake in North America. Duke, do you see my point?”

  “That raising snakes is dangerous? I could have told you.”

  “Oh, for Pete’s sake! I had rattlesnakes and water moccasins, too. A poisonous snake is not dangerous, no more than a loaded gun is dangerous—in each case, you must handle if properly. The thing that made that snake dangerous was that I hadn’t known what it could do. If, in my ignorance, I had handled it carelessly, it would have killed me as casually and innocently as a kitten scratches. That’s what I’m trying to tell you about Mike. He seems like an ordinary young male human, rather underdeveloped, clumsy, abysmally ignorant but bright and docil and eager to learn. But, like my snake, Mike is more than he appears to be. If Mike does not trust you, he can be much more deadly than that coral snake. Especially if he thinks you are. harming one of his water brothers, such as Jill—or me.”

  Harshaw shook his head. “Duke, if you had given way to your impulse to take a poke at me and if Mike had been standing in that doorway, you would have been dead before you knew it, much too quickly for me to stop him. Mike would then have been apologetic over having ‘wasted food’—namely your beefy carcass. But he wouldn’t feel guilty about killing you; that would be a necessity you forced on him . . . and not important, even to you. You see, Mike believes that your soul is immortal.”

  “Huh? Well, hell, so do I. But—”

  “Do you?” Jubal said bleakly. “I wonder.”

  “Why, certainly I do! Oh, I don’t go to church much, but I was brought up right. I’ve got faith.”

  “Good. Though I’ve never understood how God could expect his creatures to pick the one true religion by faith—it strikes me as a sloppy way to run a universe. However, since you believe in immortality, we need not trouble over the probability that your prejudices will cause your demise. Do you want to be cremated or buried?”

  “Oh, for cripe’s sake, Jubal, quit trying to get my goat.”

  “Not at all. I can’t guarantee your safety since you persist in thinking that a coral snake is a harmless scarlet snake—any blunder may be your last. But I promise I won’t let Mike eat you.”

  Duke’s chin dropped. Then he answered, explosively, profanely, incoherently. Harshaw listened, then said testily, “All right, pipe down. Make any arrangements with Mike you like.” Harshaw bent over the projector. “I want to see these pictures. Damn!” he added. “The pesky thing savaged me.”

  “You tried to force it. Here—” Duke completed the adjustment Harshaw had muffed, then inserted a spool. Neither reopened the question of whether Duke was, or was not, working for Jubal. The projector was a tabletop tank, with adapter to receive solid-sight-sound 4 mm. film. Shortly they were watching events leading up to the disappearance of the empty brandy case.

  Jubal saw the box hurtle toward his head, saw it wink out in mid-air. “Anne will be pleased to know that the cameras back her up. Duke, let’s repeat that in slow motion.”

  “Okay.” Duke spooled back, then announced, “This is ten-to-one.”

  The scene was the same but slowed-down sound was useless; Duke switched it off. The box floated from Jill’s hands toward Jubal’s head, then ceased to be. But under slow-motion it could be seen shrinking, smaller and smaller until it was no longer there.

  “Duke, can you slow it still more?”

  “Just a sec. Something has fouled the stereo.”

  “What?”

  “Darned if I know. It looked all right on the fast
run. But when I slowed it, the depth effect was reversed. That box went away from us, mighty fast—but it always looked closer than the wall. Swapped parallax, of course. But I never took that cartridge off the spindle.”

  “Oh. Hold it, Duke. Run the film from the other camera.”

  “Unh . . . I see. That’ll give us a ninety-degree cross and we’ll see properly even if I did jimmy this film.” Duke changed cartridges. “Zip through the first part. Then undercranked on the last part?”

  “Go ahead.”

  The scene was unchanged save for angle. When the image of Jill grabbed the box, Duke slowed action and again they watched the box go away.

  Duke cursed. “Something fouled the second camera, too.”

  “So?”

  “It was shooting from the side so the box should have gone out of frame to one side. Instead it went straight away from us again. You saw it.”

  “Yes,” agreed Jubal. “ ‘Straight away from us.’ ”

  “But it can’t—not from both angles.”

  “What do you mean, ‘it can’t’? It did.” Harshaw added, “If we had used doppler-radar in place of cameras, I wonder what it would have shown?”

  “How should I know? I’m going to take these cameras apart.”

  “Don’t bother.”

  “But—”

  “Duke, the cameras are okay. What is ninety degrees from everything else?”

  “I’m no good at riddles.”

  “It’s not a riddle. I could refer you to Mr. A. Square from Flatland, but I’ll answer it. What is perpendicular to everything else? Answer: two bodies, one pistol, and an empty case.”

  “What the deuce do you mean, Boss?”

  “I never spoke more plainly in my life. Try believing the evidence instead of insisting that the cameras must be at fault because what they saw was not what you expected. Let’s see the other films.”

  They added nothing to what Harshaw already knew. The ash tray when near the ceiling had been out of camera, but its leisurely descent had been recorded. The pistol’s image in the tank was small but, so far as could be seen, the pistol had shrunk away into the distance without moving. Since Harshaw had been gripping it tightly when it had left his hand, he was satisfied—if “satisfied” was the word.

  “Duke, I want duplicate prints of all those.”

  Duke hesitated. “I’m still working here?”

  “What? Oh, damn it! You can’t eat in the kitchen, that’s flat. Duke, try to forget your prejudices and listen.”

  “I’ll listen.”

  “When Mike asked for the privilege of eating my stringy old carcass, he was doing me the greatest honor he knows of—by the only rules he knows. What he ‘learned at his mother’s knee,’ so to speak. He was paying me his highest compliment—and asking a boon. Never mind what they think in Kansas; Mike uses values taught him on Mars.”

  “I’ll take Kansas.”

  “Well,” admitted Jubal, “so will I. But it is not free choice for me, nor you—nor Mike. It is almost impossible to shake off one’s earliest training. Duke, can you get it through your skull that if you had been brought up by Martians, you would have the same attitude toward eating and being eaten that Mike has?”

  Duke shook his head. “I won’t buy it, Jubal. Sure, about most things it’s just Mike’s hard luck that he wasn’t brought up civilized. But this is different, this is an instinct.”

  “ ‘Instinct,’ Dreck!”

  “But it is. I didn’t get ‘training at my mother’s knee’ not to be a cannibal. Hell, I’ve always known it was a sin—a nasty one. Why, the thought turns my stomach. It’s a basic instinct.”

  Jubal groaned. “Duke, how could you learn so much about machinery and never learn anything about how you yourself tick? Your mother didn’t have to say, ‘Mustn’t eat your playmates, dear; that’s not nice,’ because you soaked it up from our culture—and so did I. Jokes about cannibals and missionaries, cartoons, fairy tales, horror stories, endless things. Shucks, son, it couldn’t be instinct; cannibalism is historically a most widespread custom in every branch of the human race. Your ancestors, my ancestors, everybody.”

  “Your ancestors, maybe.”

  “Um. Duke, didn’t you tell me you had some Indian blood?”

  “Huh? Yeah, an eighth. What of it?”

  “Then, while both of us have cannibals in our family trees, chances are that yours are many generations closer because—”

  “Why, you bald-headed old—”

  “Simmer down! Ritual cannibalism was common among aboriginal American cultures—look it up. Besides that, as North Americans, we stand a better than even chance of having a touch of Congo without knowing it . . . and there you are again. But even if we were Simon-pure North European stock (a silly notion, casual bastardy is far in excess of that ever admitted)—but if we were, such ancestry would merely tell us which cannibals we are descended from . . . because every branch of the human race has cannibalism. Duke, it’s silly to talk about a practice being ‘against instinct’ when hundreds of millions have followed it.”

  “But—All right, I should know better than to argue with you, Jubal; you twist things. But suppose we did come from savages who didn’t know any better—What of it? We’re civilized now. Or at least I am.”

  Jubal grinned. “Implying that I am not. Son, aside from my own conditioned reflex against munching a roast haunch of—well, you, for example—aside from that trained-in prejudice, I regard our taboo against cannibalism as an excellent idea . . . because we are not civilized.”

  “Huh?”

  “If we didn’t have a taboo so strong that you believed it was instinct, I can think of a long list of people I wouldn’t trust with my back turned, not with the price of beef what it is today. Eh?”

  Duke grudged a grin. “I wouldn’t take a chance on my ex-mother-in-law.”

  “Or how about our charming neighbor on the south, who is so casual about other people’s live stock during hunting season? Want to bet that you and I wouldn’t wind up in his freezer? But Mike I trust—because Mike is civilized.”

  “Huh?”

  “Mike is utterly civilized, Martian style. Duke, I’ve talked enough with Mike to know that Martian practice isn’t dog-eat-dog . . . or Martian-eat-Martian. They eat their dead, instead of burying them, or burning them, or exposing them to vultures; but the custom is formalized and deeply religious. A Martian is never butchered against his will. In fact, murder doesn’t seem to be a Martian concept. A Martian dies when he decides to, having discussed it with friends and received consent of his ancestors’ ghosts to join them. Having decided to die, he does so, as easily as you close your eyes—no violence, no illness, not even an overdose of sleeping pills. One second he is alive and well, the next second he’s a ghost. Then his friends eat what he no longer has any use for, ‘grokking’ him, as Mike would say, and praising his virtues as they spread the mustard. The ghost attends the feast; it is a bar mitzvah or confirmation service by which the ghost attains the status of ‘Old One’—an elder statesman, as I understand it.”

  Duke made a face. “God, what superstitious junk!”

  “To Mike it’s a solemn—but joyful—religious ceremony.”

  Duke snorted. “Jubal, you don’t believe that stuff about ghosts. It’s just cannibalism combined with rank superstition.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I find these ‘Old Ones’ hard to swallow—but Mike speaks of them the way we talk about last Wednesday. As for the rest—Duke, what church were you brought up in?” Duke told him; Jubal went on: “I thought so; in Kansas most people belong to yours or to one enough like it that you have to look at the sign to tell the difference. Tell me—how did you feel when you took part in the symbolic cannibalism that plays so paramount a part in your church’s rituals?”

  Duke stared. “What the devil do you mean?”

  Jubal blinked solemnly back. “Were you a member? Or simply went to Sunday School?”

  “Huh? Wh
y, certainly I was a member, I still am—though I don’t go much.”

  “I thought perhaps you weren’t entitled to receive it. Well, you know what I’m talking about if you stop to think.” Jubal stood up. “I shan’t argue differences between one form of ritual cannibalism and another. Duke, I can’t spend more time trying to shake you loose from prejudice. Are you leaving? If you are, I had better escort you off the place. Or do you want to stay? Stay and eat with the rest of us cannibals?”

  Duke frowned. “Reckon I’ll stay.”

  “I wash my hands of it. You saw those movies; if you’re bright enough to pound sand, you’ve figured out that this man-Martian can be dangerous.”

  Duke nodded. “I’m not as stupid as you think, Jubal. But I won’t let Mike run me off the place.” He added, “You say he’s dangerous. But I’m not going to stir him up. Shucks, Jubal, I like the little dope, most ways.”

  “Mmm . . . damn it, you still underestimate him, Duke. See here, if you feel friendly toward him, the best thing you can do is to offer him a glass of water. Understand me? Become his ‘water brother.’ ”

  “Uh . . . I’ll think about it.”

  “But, Duke, don’t fake it. If Mike accepts your offer, he’ll be dead serious. He’ll trust you utterly,—so don’t do it unless you are willing to trust him and stand by him, no matter how rough things get. Either all out—or don’t do it.”

  “I understood that. That’s why I said, ‘I’ll think about it.’ ”

  “Okay. Don’t take too long making up your mind . . . I expect things to get very rough soon.”

  XIV.

  IN LAPUTA, according to Lemuel Gulliver, no person of importance listened or spoke without help of a “climenole”—or “flapper” in English translation, as such servant’s duty was to flap the mouth and ears of his master with a bladder whenever, in the opinion of the servant, it was desirable for his master to speak or listen. Without the consent of his flapper it was impossible to converse with any Laputian of the master class.